Friday, August 17, 2012
What Is Your Number One Way Of Being Supported As A Foster Parent?
Support means different things to each of us. For some its help transporting out kids for others it is just getting a phone call returned. Share ways you feel supported as a foster parent! Share ways that could improve support for you as a foster parent.
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I get my biggest support from other foster parents. Not so much the state workers. In fact, when I have problems with the state workers I find the best way to get what I need from the foster parents who have already been there. Unfortunately a lot of the foster parents that I had considered part of my team have stopped doing care. I'm down to 2 in my area :/
ReplyDeleteCA needs to Think family, not individuals who have numbers in the system.
ReplyDeleteI have only been a foster mom for less than 2 years and I have found most of my support from a FEW case workers that I have had a pleasure to meet. I have had level three children from day one and to this day when the team asks me "what can we do to help?", I don't know what to say. What kind of help are you willing to give me (I'm thinking) a clone, a padded cell were I can go in and scream when I need to. Help me out here what help can you offer me? I also need a class on "NO". I realize it is a one word sentence but when do you know when to say it? If I can't handle a child any longer don't talk me in to keeping them. By the time I say NO I mean NO! Come and get them, NOW! I would like to see a class that gives me some insite on "When to say no." When do I say no. When I first get the feelings, or when I just can't do it any longer. I could sure use someone calling me once a week or twice a month to see how I'm doing. Not judge me but to just let me talk. MAYBE give me some suggestions on how to do it differently or offer a class that might help me. I feel sorry for those foster parents that just gave up. They could have been excellent parents. Maybe instead of recruiting more foster parents try and keep the ones we have by supporting them. Give them a call, see how they are doing or feeling. Give them a break for an afternoon.
ReplyDeleteNONE of these kids are normal they are all a lot of work but boy I sure see a difference when they leave and truly that is my justification for doing what I do.
To all of you foster parents and caregivers and support staff I appreciate you and what you do. These kids need us to help them grow and flurish into the wonderful kids that they can be. Don't give up!!!!
I agree with the above post. Especially the part of supporting the existing foster families so they don't quit or get burned out. The foster homes that are supported and not burned out are the ones that give great feedback to the community and that recruits other foster parents. I know social workers cannot call us every week but at least answer our emails or phone calls?
ReplyDeleteWe all need a break and real access to training and suggestions when we need them. Since we are in this boat together, what if we set up our own referral and respite backup network so we could all get what we need when the state can't or won't provide it? I could give you a break when you need time or training and you could give me the same. I don't know how many of you would take my level 4 though.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea swapping respite. The only issue we have is our area requires your licensor be involved so foster parents are not taking kids out side our age/gender range and can we handle the kids with the kids currently in the home. And really... how many families would take a level 4? And if they did what effect is that going to have on the kids already in the home? And hopefully without respite you will still get up every morning ready to tackle the day with a level 4 child.
DeleteWhat if we got the legislature, through the 1624 committee, to force CA to allow it for a maximum of a week for training or respite at an approved home, as long as training and background checks were up to date, and make it an automatic exception to the occupancy rule since CA can't seem to fulfill their respite responsibility requirements??
DeleteIt is hard enough to take care of abused children the state has uprooted from what the kids felt was a normal environment and make those kids live a life dictated by the state that is not abusive but is not what their peers at school get to live out in their homes either. No matter what the level the kids are labeled, it is not their fault. Their's will be a different life, and not an easy one.
ReplyDeleteFrom a caregivers perspective, I feel the state wants us to live in fear. Fear to communicate with each other (confidentiality). Fear to ask for help when it's needed,(aren't you good enough? Maybe you just are not cut out to be a foster parent and should select out.) Fear to ask for a raise so you can support your kids the way you feel they need supported, (We can help you find a used prom dress. Car insurance.) Fear of legal problems or retaliation (I don't need an example for this if you have been in the system a while.) Fear of that placement where other kids in your care are put in jeoprody because the case worker omitted the fact that your new placement fits the Ghosts From The Nursery book profile due to the child's neglect and abuse when it was in the womb to age three, and when you finally go to mental health they tell you to put alarms on your door at night for your own safety. It is wrong, but this gives the state power.
The State workers, County workers, and Teachers all have unions for representation and legal support. We have an association, but do we need a union so we don't have to fear asking for support for us so we can support the most important part of our societies future... our kids?
Fear? Maybe that is why all these post are anonymous?
ReplyDeleteFear of saying the wrong thing and having a licensing referral? Fear of the SW threatening to remove my foster child? Fear that I might make the bio parent mad and they will complain or make a referral? Fear of taking a foster child that will uproot my home or harm my kids? Fear that if I don't play the states game I wont be able to adopt my foster kids. Or better yet...make your SW mad and your mileage gets lost or your damage claim form gets denied? Oh and yes do respite for the biggest reason.. that your helping your fellow foster parents out. Because if your planning on getting the respite payment you will be waiting most likely over 90 days. You wait for the person to process the claim (up to 45 days and then fiduciary can take up to 30 days to process on their end. And FEAR that even if you follow all their guide lines and safety plans if something goes wrong.... well fear that the state will find a way to blame the foster parent.
Respite! Now that is a problem in itself. Yes, I did respite for someone back in May and I am still waiting for payment. I did another in March and finally got paid in July. That is why I don't do it. How hard is it? You email it to the case worker and they are suppose to send it off to fiduciary. Or how about Daycare payments? I go in to daycare and they are constantly asking me if I have heard anything about a payment that was suppose to be paid over a month and a half ago. This has happened more than once. I start feeling the financial stress of the daycare owner.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad we don't have more respite only homes. The rest of us are usually full to our max and don't have room to do respite.
I tried to get respite for a serious medical condition for one night. It was scheduled over one month in advance. I have over 20 days they owe me at two days a month. I tried to get respite for my spouse's operation. Same thing. No. We are full. It is time to treat us like anyone who works for anyone else. Family leave medical act. And don't just move our kids. Set it up and I will pay the bill myself.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately you can only use 14 days of respite at one time. After that it becomes a change in placement.
ReplyDeleteI only wanted one day once and one or two the other. Even 12 hours would have helped.
DeleteMy area has an amazing group of foster parents who support local foster families. They have built a support group and a social group that both meet monthly. They connect through a Facebook page, as well as reaching out to each other one to one. There is also a liaison who is an experienced foster parent,and always available to answer questions. I have to say the foster parents in my area are the BEST!
ReplyDeleteWhat area are you from? Maybe we can learn something! While improvement feedback is great it is also good to hear of an area that is working well together!
ReplyDeletePlease!
DeleteI'm alarmed that these responses are all so negative! I'm a brand new foster parent and although I WILL say that DSHS staff are often impossible to get ahold of, and things arent' always done promptly... I have had a pretty decent experience thus far. Licensing was a nightmare... but my first placement's social worker is very supportive. It did take some prodding on my part, but she was able to get daycare authorized in just a few days time, so as not to interfere with my employment. Most recently she called me up out of the blue stating she had a backpack with school supplies and also some zoo tickets for our family. The zoo tickets really made me feel supported in a way, being as she offered them for the whole family, not just the foster child.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong... ya'll have been at this a lot longer than I have and I'm sure all your concerns are valid and it's sad that you don't feel supported. Obviously CA needs to make some improvements. But so far, so good for me. Hopefully it continues. :)
Thank you for being so positive. It's nice to hear the good things that are happening and THAT is very supportive to me!
DeleteThe best support is from the kids. I learn new things every day. I told mine that we were going to go pick blackberries to make jelly. The 4 yr old said "Yippee! We get to go to the beach to get jellyfish for the blackberry jelly." Everyone knows you have to have jellyfish to make jelly.
ReplyDeleteI agree with so many of the posts already, the fear, lack of support of the SW we are left to work with, lack of help, in ability to take trainings cause we have to pay for childcare to take it instead of free childcare being offered so we can take the training, etc. I have been jaded by the system, and by the bio parents of the foster children in our home who have caused huge problems while the kids were in our care and what they created for us to unravel and retrain. However my issue of lack of support comes from a place way higher than the social workers we are regularly or not so regularly in contact with. The SW we work with are underlings and really with in the whole picture they do not and are not the ones who made the policies, rules, and laws that we are bound by. Those who make these rules, policies and laws have never fostered or cared for children who are from extremely hard places and have significant issues because of their life experiences OR they are more worried by the almighty dollar then the passion of doing their job. The concerns, issues, and even anger only seems to get taken to the underlings, who probably feel helpless, not up the huge change of command to the administrative bureaucrats who are more concerned about not getting sued or the cost of proving the plaintiffs wrong that the point of false allegations are accepted cause the court costs are too great or 'we don't have the budget to pay for it'. Or they make more rules, laws and policies to cover possible reasons for being sued. Guess what! Life Happens and our own kids get hurt from time to time. So the point I am trying to get is that really we are preaching to the choir for most of us. We find our support in others who have done, are doing what we do. Our concerns, frustrations and issues need to rise higher than the few that seem to care.
ReplyDeleteIn all our focus and goal or mission statement must remain the same; to help children of all ages to become educated participating members of society to the best of their ability in the time we have them. Our goals for ourselves, the foster parents, is to support each other not to just yip, moan and complain but to listen, to understand, to empathize then to problem solve our our specific issues and help and work along side the SW who is the underling who is doing the best that they can with all the required paperwork and less time spent actually working with us and the children they represent. Sometimes we need to be the 'bigger man' and encourage and appreciate our SWs and then they feel supported and encouraged to reciprocate the same! I want to thank the social workers who are supportive and listen to my gripe and moans but they also help me problem solve or try to help me find someone who can help. I want to thank our foster parent liaison who supports us with training and support groups and a facebook page where we can talk to other foster parents and support each other and who sets up blogs like this one for us to communicate. I want to thank all you other foster or foster-adopt parents and families for sacrificing what could be an easier way of life but you don't cause you have a passion to help kids whose lives they didn't get to choose so far. And go and thank your spouse or partner and your bio children for the sacrifice they make to have foster children in your home. No it is not easy, no it will not get any easier but YES we have lots of love.